Well done me. All 3 subs FAIL. FOR PRELIMS.

Beyond redemption. Too far gone to get back. Talk about miracles? Its just too late... I'm utterly demoralised and down.. A level is just a damn one month away. Do I think I have the farking intelligence to get back on track for A? FOR FARKING 3As? Its not possible, in my heart I don't believe anymore. I don't have the time, I don't have the practice. Even for maths, ITS GONE. I'm gutted. I have to go on but I don't see the light...

Hmm, looks like I can't say anything about the TJ people... Cocky abit during lan today, got Qx and Chun pissed off.. maybe I shouldn't talk so much about other people, but rather reflect on my loser points. Maybe I'm too tired. Maybe the dress-to-impress really freezes my brain. So many maybes.. But one thing is for sure. SJI guys in our class control everything.. we have to see their facial expressions, go with what they say... Well, whose fault is it anyway? I'm in the wrong school, got to listen to the people who belong.. It doesn't matter what us non-sji friends do or say, the class revolves around the SJI guys. Perhaps that's why I blew my top this morning. But if friendship is really to be valued, I think I shall live out my last few months in peace. Whatever we said about SJI and TCHS brotherhood was a high hope I foolishly thought possible.. the way we think and act is so contrasting that we cannot really relate...

Anyway, went to invest in Jay Chou tickets. Still harbouring the thoughts fof asking someone to go... If cannot then I will make a healthy profit with Leo. Either way I win, yet the latter is dervived with so much lesser pleasure. What can I say? Ask and hope to be rejected? $68, I'm willing to sacrifice for a evening of your company.. But even if you go, it's for Jay, not Jx. So the last point is, I'm the loser...

Getting back papers on Wed.. Hopefully I can pass maths and physics...

TJC ppl that I know of are either damn nice or damn sia lan. Just my luck la, I met the sia lan bunch last night. Then I sat with a chio one during physics class today... I'm confused.

Dress-to-impress tomorrow.. I don't know what to wear. And neither do I really care. Like, its a damn waste of time. I rather be at home sleeping, or playing lan. Or mugging. Speaking of stuff to do at home, I must get the Yi Tian vcds soon.. Although Zhou Zhiruo is evil now, I somehow find her evil look very nice.. yep, I'm mesmerized. Though my soccer skills have deproved to the point of no return (maybe I'm tired?), some things to look forward to next week... TJ chiobu, here I come!!

I'm sorry..

I just realised my blog is damn sad to look at.. have to change format soon. When I have the time. Also, I always blog one day late. Like for example, I went to watch Dodgeball with Vic and Weixun, then played soccer with some RJ guys, but now it seems lame if I talk about it. And if I don't talk abt it, today was dead boring because I didn't go out. So thats damn sad.

Damn lame last night.. me and Swee Lee playing gunbound with this girl who spoke nothing but hanyu pinyin, at least most of the time... then she ask us if we were interested in a job, something that pays fifty bucks a day.

What in the world.. lobang in gb... I can't believe it lor.

Of course I want la.. Need to earn money... but parents won't allow. Have to find some other way lol...

Really not half dead.. Woke up at 8 having slept around 4 last night, then went to play soccer, which I was shen for about 5 mins then no energy, then went to play lan, then watch movie... DotA was ok la, but I misused the crystal maiden, so rather pissed. The Terminal was nicer than I anticipated, and ya, I expected it to be quite bad. Rather touching, and the humour was superbly set... Overall I'm pooped, but rather ok.. Red crab now.

Prelims over le! So happy! Of course when get back paper then will cry, but thats in another week.

Went to play lan with Kiamin for 4 hours.. Really not blur liao. Plus when got home played another 3 hours..... Man, I'm screwing my brain upside down. Tomorrow kicking soccer with the guys. It's going to be damn uneven.. Swee Lee don't go means confirm me and Leo same team le. Means Qixian will have a hard time. Last time still got Salas, but after the leg injury he cannot make it... Maybe Isaac can fill the void. Because if either me or Leo go over, the side will be damn strong... SianZ.....

Shit.. I'm playing soccer in 8 hrs time. Should I sleep? Guess not...

Really not chemistry die liao.. I didn't even know what I was writing. Confirm F. What can I say la... When one gets F at prelims, A lvl is gone case le... Maybe I should go seek alternate route for college. Or maybe quit school. Seriously, though NJ prelim is killer, I have never felt so helpless in my life lor. According to Swee Lee, AJ prelim is rather easy compared to NJ's. That's quite sad.. destroys what little faith I have in myself. I've let Mr Gwee down, let all my teachers who ever taught me chem down. I'm drowning in self-misery 2 days after the exam. Imagine the pain.

No choice man. Maths is a must-do-well topic now. Physics I think I screwed it though it was farking easy la. I rather go watch Yi Tian Tu Long Ji than face Dr Chan now... Erm. Rather obvious. What am I saying...

Update: Prelims

Maths = Not too bad
Chemistry = DIE LE
Physics = Really really don't know.. not confident
GP = Essay =), compre =(

Prelims only mah.. scared what?

Scared see principal la...

Today Mingyong told me before the exam that she got very very good news for me. I was thinking "Hmmm.. knowing her must be something lame.." Then of course got think of her la, but seemed impossible..
Waited in suspense for 2.5 hrs, then her surprise was..... JAY CHOU COME TO SG!!! Like, what the.. I really care about Jay la... Then Mingyong said, ask her to go(not Mingyong, the other one). Yea right. 68 dollars. Plus might not even appreciate. 10% chance of agreeing. I might as well concentrate on my studies. Somehow through this prelims, A lvls suddenly got hope. Must not let up now, though I'm still kind of unfocused.

2 more months...

HaiZ.. somehow I'm thinking of you again... Managed to suppress the thought for a while, but that day Leo mentioned again, so now the demons are let loose. Which is quite sad. Tried to make contact, after these few weeks, but nothing seems to have changed. I like to think that you are busy, or your phone is off, but in actual fact I think you find me irritating, and ignoring that message was done on purpose. On the other hand, something else tells me not to think so much, and there were normal reasons. Hmm, contradictory. Sometimes I wished we never met after these years. Then I would not have this problem. And the worst thing is, it's not your fault... I made small actions into hints, I took your friendliness as a sign. Looking back, I'm sure all I managed to do was to renew our friendship, and now I'm wrecking it. Prelims is tomorrow, and all I can remember is your face...

Tell me, what should I do?

2 days before prelims. I can't believe I've been studying, yet still so ill-prepared. Going to let down all my teachers, my parents, my friends... Is one year really so hard to catch up?

I keep going back to various events earlier this year for the past few days.. whether academic, friendships, hardships; its been a long year. Particular events I remember are the Lanke Cup, street soccer tournament, the dance concert, Malaysia, HELP camp.... The words said, some etched firmly in my brain..

Before facing the weiqi giants ("I don't care what I said before about us being underdogs, I didn't come here to be 2nd to HC..");
Leo ("If I can't go with you as a friend, let me be your shield behind..");
Salas ("Sincerity can outfight anything")
Ky at HELP sercurity ("If you believe, really anything is possible. Setbacks make you stronger..")
At bus stop ("So... your concert more important than my college day?" "Ya! of course..")
J Lim ("When you do the paper, you are not the only one worrying about whether you can do it.."
Km at sch toilet ("Let's go let's go.. I promised you..")
Zy at GP ("Smile..")

There are others, but these are the few magical moments.. Speaking of moments, yesterday was a crazy one. During class at Dr Chan, I sat in the middle of all the girls la.. and this girl whom I've known for a long time but never said anything, sat so close to me that we were touching.. then I could smell her hair, which was quite a nice smell.. I admit I was squirming, but what do you expect? Damn, no choice, the room was so cramp.. she was almost sitting on my lap. Seriously didn't enjoy it, even though she was quite ok looking... got laughed at when I went back to Wx's house to study.....

Darn, no Yi Tian tonight. I'm quite sad.

Mesmerizing sia... HaiZzZ
ZM

Kk, I'm supposed to moan like siao over the fact that I need to pluck out 8 teeth la. But, since I have to, might as well get on with it. I WAS depressed. Then, on a nice saturday evening (yesterday), I watched TV from 630 to 900... and... I'm hooked la. Malcolm and Simpsons suddenly can go eat shit. Who needs them when you can watch beautiful girls?!!! Darn.. I finally understand why my classmates have been watching Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre. The story is exciting, the hero is cool, but the actresses arh.. nothing to say la. Zhao Min and Zhou Ziruo.. it's not so much of drooling, just that I wonder how can people be so mesmerizing. Really, can't get it out of my head, or rather them..

Final conclusion:

Zhou Ziruo <>

_'Jx]- faded at 11:26 PM

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Haiyo, what with teacher's day and prelims, no wonder no more entries lol. Damn busy week, trying to study and stuff, and yes, I have not forgotten my blog. Just damnit, don't have enough time...

Anyway, so much as happened, I don't know where to start. Hmm, by the way I'm sure one can measure the thickness of paint la.. Design prac is for the person to do, and not for me to show him how right... Chem prac was terrible, let's not talk about it. And inexplicably, I failed maths mock exam. I really don't know why lor..

Today is Teacher's Day, so I wish all the teachers who taught me a very nice... day. Lol... Going back to TCHS was great, saw all the teachers.. and Mr Su reminded me of the A I owe him.. HaiZ, I really don't think it's possible now... Saw Mrs Chua, Han lao shi, Mrs Ng, Mr Lee, but missed Mrs Yeo, who ran off again too early. Barely caught the other teachers too, don't know where they running off to. Yep, then played soccer with my pals, and I totally screwed up.. somehow I just can't play on field well, can't control the ball, though my passing still great... HaiZ, really miss Xiaoxiang, Liang Fa, Jason, Xiang Hui, Shen Kiat, Lionel, Wanyang and the rest of my class.. hope they do well regardless of whatever they hope to achieve.. Sometimes I wonder why we don't appreciate the things in life until it's too late. Maybe I'll say the same for my NJ class. Or maybe not.. JK JK! School likfe coming to an end la, don't know what Uni will be like... but first, I owe my teachers a few As. Yep.. but looks like I will lose thirty dollars sia.. made a bet with the guys that I will get a girl by the end of this year, and since I have no wish for anyone else..... I better start saving up now.

Money is the root of all evil. HaiZ.

_'Jx]- faded at 10:41 PM