Tuesday, December 07, 2004
I was talking to Leo 2 days ago.. conversation without any general topic to focus on, just going on and on about life and stuff; our class people, his former class people, my former class people, relatives from both sides, soccer, dotA... sort of stumbled on this question of character flaw, which everyone knows exists but barely does anything about it. Mine was pretty obvious; I can't let go of things easily while getting depressed easily and giving up. Then we were talking about this classmate of ours who sort of left us because we had too many differences in the end.. maybe because he felt inferior? Or perhaps he needed the status of the omnipotent saviour, who has the power to save and help people, but no one can do the same to him. Some take longer then usual, but sooner or later one's got to realise that being human has wonderful properties, but being invincible isn't one of them. I don't really believe there is a chance we can be friends again. When a piece of wood is broken into two, you can't really fix it back.. splinters will be lost, chips here and there will be missing, and the final product is so weak it will easily fall apart again. So I guess.. this is it then.
I think I've kind of let my good buddy down.. he was always there for me when I need help, whether spiritually or physically. Yet I can't believe I actually felt jealous when he succeeded where I failed. Despise myself for that; he would have been glad for me if I was the one in his shoes now.. when he told me of the backstab he endured, I felt a wave of relief. What sort person am I? And worse of all, I think he was lying to comfort me. Right now I wish him all the best, and hopefully my spiteful streak will take a vacation or something; it has been around too long.
Think I'm rather lucky actually.. my family from both my parents' sides are nice people. Now S13 knows where I get my wicked sense of humour from.. I'll probably get lamblasted for using the word wicked, so I'll throw in the word absurd for compromise... Darn, all my older cousins are gangsters-in-the-making, yet I'm the gangster-wannabe.
Swee Lee says he's the second best player in class. Salas emphasizes he's the best, though when sober he concedes the position to the same guy Qixian. Leo claims the most-effective-player award, but in terms of skill he's a distant place away. Everyone says Isaac, though ineffective to a shocking extent, has the skills second only to Qixian. However, when Qixian wants to win, who is always the first person he wants for his team? I guess I don't need to say anymore =P
Prom night is tomorrow, and I don't really want to go.. my foot is bandaged now, so even going to the loo is a chore of its own. How am I going to shift about? And more importantly, how am I going to crash the other JC's proms? Wait, I don't want to go AJ's one.. yet maybe I do. There, I'm confused again. Do I want to see her, so mesmerizing my heart aches, or just simply die of anticipation? More importantly, does she want to see me? Time is running out; after prom I leaving for Taiwan.. But one thing is, the S13 girls will look at least presentable for a change.. ya ya I know, I'll get a mirror and drown myself in dreams.. LOL
_'Jx]- faded at 9:54 AM