Sunday, December 19, 2004
I've got so much to say, yet I can only write them down in words.. the power of speech can only bring one thus far; the messages that can be conveyed are so limited, so inadequate in expressing one's thoughts and feelings. When a being speaks to another, there is purpose.. Why must everything have a purpose? Why can't we just let things be the way they are, let them flow around like the ripples of water when you waddle in pool, like the air brushing past your cheeks when flying in the skies... there's always a cause and effect, the consequence of one's actions.. As long as one is in constant contact with the rest of the world, there will always be questions, always things we don't comprehend. In the never-ceasing search for knowledge, our thirst will never be quenched, our queries left buried for many a millennia to come.. things we think we think we want to know.
But actually, we don't.
You can argue that failure doesn't matter. One can fall down, and then stand up again. Wounds will heal by themselves, bruises and cuts are little sacrifices for the rewards one seeks.
But can you take the pain within?
It's one matter to be blissfully ignorant, and another to be totally imbecile. Stones better left unturned should remain the way they are.. we can spend the rest of our lives wondering.. just thinking of the possibilites, the endless roads which entwin our fate. The English created the word fate, then came up with another called destiny. Optimists scoff at the idea of anything being pre-destined. Your life, they say, is controlled by only one being in the world - yourself. I beg to differ. You can only control how things turn out if, and only if, the world revolves around you.. which unfortunately doesn't. One person is just one grain of sand on the beach, trodden on by masses of people everyday. Whether the wave washes away the sand depends on everything else but the sand itself. One can control his actions, but the extent in which his emotions can be bottled up doesn't stretch as far as my arm.. we can dream, we can push our imagination beyond anything we have seen in reality; we can believe. Believing lies which light up our lives and blind us from what we don't wish to see.
Dreams are like bubbles. They float in the air, sparkling, shining.. when you think you can actually touch them, they burst and disappear.
If you have to know, they will find you. Don't go seeking the facts which in your heart you know you fear the answer.. We think we can take the pain. We think alot of things. We challenge the skies, scale the highest mountains, stand strong against the torrents of rain.. yet it is our feelings that hurt us the most. In our innermost thoughts, we know this. No one has ever seen the Devil...
But we know he exists.
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I just felt like writing that.. probably some wave of inspiration hit me. Or perhaps I really did see something I didn't want to see. Anyway just finished watching Racing-Real match, and trust me, Yossi Benayoun is one heck of a player.. vision, ball control and the all-so-rare trait - flair. Raul Bravo is a joker though...
Think I'll go practise on my flute.. yep I bought one from Taiwan and to my record I can already play Happy Birthday lol.. I won't stop until I master it. But I'm going to sleep now, so what the heck.
I miss dotA...
_'Jx]- faded at 2:14 PM