Somehow I always have so much to write about.. there are always about three or four things zooming here and there in my brain. Can't really concentrate with so many different aspects of life to focus on; sometimes it seems as if time stops, and I'm the only one moving. I can't hear anything, can't force myself to move, but rather just lose myself in thoughts.. the world around me is stripped of it's colour; everything, from living creatures to immovable objects, have turned black and white, different shades of it... Reminds me of the movie Para Para Sakura. Aaron Kwok as the colourblind fellow, and Cecilia Cheung the adorable heiress who brought colour into his life.. another typical story about dreams coming true, love being the factor that moves all etc. Don't you all get sick of it? I have to admit I respected Tom Hanks' tragic and solemn yet touching ending in The Terminal.. yea, sadistic, cynical, PURE EVIL.. I prefer the term skeptical though.

Ever looked at at the surface of a lake? During the day, when all living creatures are supposedly active, you can never really use the surface of the water as a mirror, to see your own reflection.. there will always be too many ripples swirling about, droplets of water flying here and there, such that any image conjured up will be distorted to some extent... After the sun sets, and serenity takes over, the waters are calm, almost smooth.. then you can see clearly the water bed, the plain that lies beneath. It can be applied to real life situations actually.. sometimes there are so many things hindering, such that you can't really see the whole picture clearly. The disturbances are varied: prejudice, confusion, indecisiveness, even love and desire.. The key to comprehension is to totally empty one's mind, and calm down the angry, hurried thoughts threatening to spill out. It sounds like some Buddhist preachings, but all things are somewhat connected to each other in the first place, whether directly or indirectly.. Anyway, where does all this lead to? Maybe because I've decided that all the odds are against me, even reason and sensibility.. I'll treasure her as a friend, not let anything else affect it.. I can be dying inside, but sadly I'll rather her be happy, not pressured and upset by whatever I seek to achieve. I'm not mature enough to let someone else's happiness get the better of mine, but this time... There's always a first time. Just wish I could see her one last time.. but that might not be a good idea.

Finally, I've thought it through. At least I think I have. After wandering in the swirling mist, searching for an answer I already knew.. it's the end of the road, with a new pathway already laid at my feet.

Trying to pull out whatever feelings I have driven in; like nails they don't come out easy, and they always leave holes behind... they will never heal. Maybe one day someone, maybe her, will mend the scars.. I'll never know. I think I'm still too young to understand all this.. there's a whole life ahead of me...

Yea.. just hope she'll be happy.