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Wednesday, March 09, 2005


After today I'm offically a private.. no longer the chao recruit. The passing out parade was quite draggy, and I guess many of us fought the urge to faint right there in the parade square; I know I did. It was pure torture to say the least. But at least we aren't the babies of NSF anymore.. We can now watch Saving Private Ryan and actually visualize ourselves in his position without the nagging thought of rank ("Shit! I'm only a damn recruit! How can I possible understand how a private feels, especially when he earns $100 more than me??").

I think all's not lost. Mind must have been clouded with uncertainty and desperation after friday. But come to think of it, it's not that bad after all.. I can still go into the course I want, pursue the dreams I had forsaken once.. there's always NIE anyway. Please no SIM.. firstly it's expensive; secondly it's not cheap, and thirdly I have no money.

Rather painful lesson learnt.. but I'm young. I'll survive. I'll strive for my goal. There are many setbacks in life taking their queue number now, and I'll never see them through if I don't face this now.. anyway one reaps what one sows. Stomach it like a man and move on. English Lit here I come.. I know you've been waiting.

Will miss my platoon and section mates. They'll be going commander's schools and stuff, while I'll just remain a private because of my injury.. if I get into military intelligence I'll laugh my front teeth out. The interview didn't reveal much about their requirements, except that any candidates who smoke, drink and fight often get cut immediately. I'm not too sure about the drinking part, but I certainly do not thrive on cigarettes, nor do I use force without reason.. asking me about my private life isn't the best way to decide whether I can be a strategist and stuff..

Anyway, said goodbye to my friends, gave Swee Lee and Reubs a hug, and I stepped out to the jetty, leaving the first phase of NS behind me. Can't say it was a smooth path all the way.. but it was alright. No more Meng at any rate. Booking in tomorrow for a IPPT test I can't possibly pass, and holding a gun for the rest of friday.. guess I'll never have time to see her again.

I mean, it's kind of evil to do this to me ya? Bring me up so high I can touch the sky, then leave me there until time has lost itself in the midst of eternity.. and everything is done and nothing but a memory.

Too many things to settle now.. so little time.

Future's way too important to put aside at any rate.. so she's gotta wait. If there's anything left at all, that is.

_'Jx]- faded at 10:42 PM