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Monday, March 21, 2005


I seem to have friends everywhere.. come to think of it maybe I do know alot of people. It never hurts to have a large social circle.. nothing but benefits in the long run. Though sometimes I feel a little uneasy. Being introvert and picky are not two of the most desirable qualities one would look for in a potential friendship. Yet despite famously possessing both of them, things seem to be turning out the other way round..

My mom says I'm honest, loyal and sincere.. how's that for three lies in a day? Mothers are meant to protect their sons from the horrible truth.. that is out there somewhere.. anyway.

Hopefully I'll never see Meng again. In his place comes Shi Da, an old friend from TCHS. That's one hell of a stroke of luck.. this guy is responsible and exuberant.. makes Meng look very bad, but not worse because that's not possible.. having him, Tham and an old detail mate Wee Chiat around was certainly remedy for a boring and listless day.. I guess it's only these two days; Wed will be the start of the course. And yes, I'm in armour.. I'm PART of armour. You have no idea how much better that makes me feel. At least I'm part of a famous quartet of SAF.. and I'm messing around with tanks and armoured vehicles instead of rovers. That's an experience only few will ever enjoy. But hell, the tank's engine is huge. One small mistake and the whole big lump of metal parts falls apart.. The overalls were damn gay-looking, but super comfortable. And ya, the sergeants and SSM are nice people, though SSM keeps emphasizing on discipline, I think we'll have no problem keeping up to his standards..

But hell, dismissal time is not 1730 as stated; it's always later, because of area cleaning.. means I can't reach the mrt by 1745, which also means I can't.. see someone. So, another blockade.. But kinda used to it, so it doesn't matter. I don't think the meeting feeling is mutual anyway.

"What is past is past. Never go back. Not for excuses. Not for justification, not for happiness. You are what you are, and the world is what it is."

I wish I was Utt in Chase.. at least the show fast-forwarded a few years so we know he got the girl. Why can't you show me now, so I don't have to waste my time? I have lit and history to wrestle with now.. and I need her support, not the distraction. Either let me have a glimpse of what the future holds, or bring me back into the world of black and white, the past where I can alter my destiny. I know I'm dwelling in what has long gone.. and I respect Mario Puzo enough to acknowledge the wisdom of his words.

But I need it now. The justification.. the happiness that I missed. I want a second chance.

_'Jx]- faded at 8:16 PM