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Monday, April 04, 2005


I was having this conversation with my section mates the other day.. talking about general, random issues with no purpose in mind. Then one of them said suddenly, "If only I had worked harder." His main point was with regards to his efforts; however, much to his short-lived annoyance, we chose to concentrate on the first two words. "If only." The two most painful and cruel words in the human dictionary. Regrets comes a close second. My other section mate pointed out that thinking about it invites more problems rather than solutions. "Don't look back. Just move on. Think so much also no use one.. just try and avoid the "if only". Once you can't get rid of that doubt, you will never be free," he stated emphatically, before adding on rather sheepishly, "I never think much anyway."

You've got to give credit to the sergeants; they really know how to waste time. We normally push ourselves to finish area-cleaning by the allocated time.. yet they find some reason to keep us back. That's taking into account that they give us tea-breaks here and there just to speed up the time.. an half-hour lesson suddenly balloons into a three-hour nightmare. Last friday we finished around 1715; they released us at 1748. Don't they realise we have lives outside.. they might not enjoy theirs, but we are young; they take it out on us because of that?

It's really infuriating to see the sergeant-in-charge glance anxiously at the other wings, before waiting five minutes after they leave to dismiss us.. Trying to prove we are the toughest wing? By going home late? We set off twenty five minutes later today because sergeant went jogging and came back late. Sometimes I really feel like hitting them..

There's a shadow following me wherever I go. I can't shake it off, and I'm too afraid to proceed on because it's bothering me.. if I off the light it will disappear from sight; yet so will everything else. As always, it will haunt me, until the day I realise it's going to stay.. and there's no point looking back.

_'Jx]- faded at 8:40 PM