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Wednesday, April 20, 2005


Rather discouraging and disorientating start to the day.. I woke up late this morning, realising at the moment when I opened my eyes, that there was no transport this morning; Shi Da's dad was busy. Hence I rushed the process of doing my uniform, packing my bag, tying my boots etc.. which is a procedure that can get rather messy if you don't focus. Rising from my slumber exactly 45 mins late isn't the best way to catch a 74 bus that comes exactly on time. Come to think of it, running at 0559 in the morning also isn't that good for health. So.. I guess I've gotten my point across.

Then it came to my attention that most of my section mates had already received their NTU admission letters yesterday. I admit I'm rather stupid when depressed.. I mean, I just concluded my interview less than 48 hrs earlier. How in the world would I get my letter.. if there's one. The others waited for one month without going through an interview.. so ya, I kind of lost my mind. But I have to admit the apprehension is slowly evolving into fear.. that grips my heart and doesn't let go. Now recalling the details of the interview, I admit I didn't handle some of the questions very well. I mean, I like writers such as Mario Puzo, Agatha Christie, Evelyn Waugh.. and essentially some I can't recall. I guess these three sound better than Anne Rice anyday. And I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY MENTIONED DAN BROWN!! I HATE his cock-and-bull stories, and I said his name for the sake of saying I read an author's book.. seriously one for the "(-.-"')wtf?" book.

I'm so ashamed I feel like digging a hole in the ground now and burying my super-accursed-body-which-deserves-to-be-pulled-apart-by-a-few-horses. But just so happens that my floor is made of ceramic material.

Anyway, I turned down the overseas trip offer. The money was enticing to say the least, and I do say very little.. close to seventeen thousand for one year, not to mention the money saved. I can't really say I've even considered the experience involved.. But I guess I can't leave my family here. I'll miss the Singaporean culture though I detest it; my friends are all somewhere on this island; my dog is having a pee in the kitchen. I don't think I can let all these just waste away. Twelve months is a long time.. in a foreign land like either Taiwan or Brunei, things don't exactly look better.

Did I mention that being the super bored trainees we are, everyone has had super big promotions since last week? I'm a full-left =) but there are like three majors and numerous warrens. As well as a general and colonel.. Promotions are handed out when people go on courses, in our cases it's tea breaks and MCs; Daryl got promoted three ranks in one day. This gets pretty out of hand, especially near book-out time. On Monday, Zhengyan a.k.a General threw down his broom during area cleaning and said, in a commanding and infuriated fashion:

"Have you ever seen a General SWEEP the floor? Have you??"

The rest of us immediately held our brooms as rifles, and saluted, saying "No Sir! Yes Sir!"

Then El General, looking stern, barked, "Good!" and left in a huff. Hence, caught up in the moment of absurd comedy, we did a rifle drill.. right in the middle of the workshop.

Warren Liew, the real officer, pretended he didn't see anything. He just walked past. I won't know how to react if I was him anyway.

I guess I've been really tired this few days.. Shi Da said today, that the worse thing you can possibly do, is to fall in love with a beautiful girl.. because you can lose yourself completely. Yet when she said it was worth it to go on the overseas trip, I couldn't help wondering, why am I asking her anyway. Does her opinion really matter so much to me? Why does my heart flutter still, even after so long.. Why do I even bother torturing myself with these questions anyway..

_'Jx]- faded at 9:01 PM