Something like that..

Maybe not.

~

I've just been pondering lately. Rather waiting like a sitting duck. Passing my time reading up on the SM1 tank, as exams inevitably come knocking on the door.. I presume NSF exams aren't really that important, as everyone says. After all, they won't really want to spend all that time retraining a mere soldier over and over again. I think that statement, however sweeping is really is, makes some sense, hence I shall be convinced by it. Beyond any trace of doubt.

Okay that didn't really sound interesting. As Philip Yeo so strikingly points out, NS men know nothing but whine. After all, we are all wimps after all, aren't we? Why do I still mull over this NS issues when it does nothing but give me a extremely bad image.. For a patriot like him, we should understand Mr Yeo huh, and not complain so much about our vocation. Even girls say we don't act like men, but just act like what they are supposed to. We'll probably have to beg for their forgiveness.. plead our utter ignorance and innocence. Even though we don't worship regimentation.. Oops, did I just say that?! I'll probably get my pants sued off. Take my 370 if you will; I'll just survive on Oreos for the remaining 1.5 years of my NS life. Even blogs are deemed carriers of evil now. Maybe some biscuit company will be suing me next.

What do NS men know anyway? I probably won't touch anything intellectual for the remainder of my service if it wasn't for Lit. I can't even get my sarcasm right.

~

I'm more disturbed by this relevation:

Girls are all about image.

I guess I must be really shallow now. Other than university applications, tank mechanisms.. my brain is basically filled up with the same stuff. I really should focus more on interesting issues, like http://jllt.blogspot.com. Maybe an attempt to agitate people, but Xiaxue takes the cake. Anyhow, back to what I was going to say..

Notice I didn't use the word "startling" this time round. Probably because it isn't all that surprising. Just another fact I chose to hide, tried to wish away.. hoping that it wasn't true. But I guess, the feminine side are like snowflakes. We marvel at their visual beauty; they disappear before we find out what they really are like.

I'll be the first person to admit; I'm not a practical person. A unrealistic realist at best. Somehow, I had this notion that if the time came, when I really gave my heart to a girl, show sincerity, show that I'm serious about her.. she'll be moved. Time will be my witness, if nothing else.

I am easily encouraged by little responses. Her smiles set my heart pounding.. I can almost feel it pop out, like those little cartoon characters. When she teases me, I feel a certain closeness; even thoughI know it's probably just an exchange between friends. We probably see each other in different light. But I guess it didn't matter to me then. All it mattered, was that she liked me. At least I think she does. Doesn't matter if it's as a friend only, or just a mere aquaintance.. doesn't matter if it's similar to a girl liking her pet mouse, just a little thing that amuses her, makes her happy.

Imagine if it was all just an act.

Maybe she just wants to maintain her image. Of a nice person. The goddess she appears to me. Keep me under her spell, mesmerized. Maybe I mean nothing to her. It doesn't matter if I gave her my soul; she'll just hang it somewhere in her house, and pretend nothing happened. All the flowers I gave her, she'll just give to her mother or sister, and pretend her "friend" gave it to her. A female one, if she feels the need to embellish. Pet my head gently occasionally, just to let me know she knows I exist. All along, as she smiles and talks to me, she's cursing in her heart:

Why is he still bothering me? Haven't I given enough hints?

And she can't tell me. Because in spite of all, she enjoys the attention, as long as it's kept at arm's length. A female friend, ironically not a close one, told me that the greatest flattery a guy can give a girl, is his heart.. so no matter what happens, she'll want to keep it that way. Being admired. All females do. Even someone as stupid as me will realise that.

If you were me, won't you be depressed to hear the truth, so bluntly thrown in your face?

If I told her she was my dream girl, she'll probably just disappear.

What if then, I told her she was my favourite actress? Will she continue her performance then? I'll just pretend that I'm a part of the scenery. I won't make any sound. Promise.

~

My cousins have been drinking lately. Maybe I should join them.