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Monday, May 23, 2005


Should I, or shouldn't I.. That has always remained the perennial question. If I was a director of a movie destined for the label of a "romantic flick", there are two possible routes which can be undertaken. Personally, I prefer sad, dramatic endings. Most though would go all out for a showdown, which inevitably a happy ending must come together as part of the package. And who can blame them?

However, as it's a real life situation, and since it concerns the most important person in my life.. I'll have to sacrifice my petty whims for a more practical and beneficial scenario. Going with the crowd has never been to my taste.. exceptions are less rare.

Anyway, it seems easy to say go all out for someone you like. I guess there's a reason why guys are males and girls are females. Evelyn Waugh prefers them to be distinct through behavior - static and dynamic.. I was hooked on this fresh and fascinating viewpoint for a good part of the last few weeks. But the thing is, we really think differently. The two different sexes, much as they would like to protest, really do not comprehend what the opposite actually thinks and feels. Since I'm not an amoeba like some of my friends (I still want my life, so no names. Think Reubs), I can only defend the interest of my fellow men. I think we have to clarify this point about our stand on relationships.

Perhaps most girls think we aren't serious about them. When you listen to their explanations, or rather complains, one might be suayed to their side. Wishy-washy, indecisive, hesitant.. maybe even averse. Just some of the words used to describe us. A more faint-hearted chap might wither under the criticism.. end up wondering for the rest of his life whether he actually killed his own chances of winning her heart.

I can't claim to be a more stout-hearted fellow, but I'll try and reason things out.

The thing is, for all things, material or otherwise, we hate to lose them. We are cowards at heart, if coward is the appropriate word to use in such circumstances. But to the girls. Have you ever considered this: We value you, or one of you, so much that we are afraid confessions would only invite rejection and a dreaded disappearing act. For me at least.. I'm always torn between the prospect of success and imminent doom. What if.. what if.. so many what if's. Some might accuse us of being "hot and cold", meaning sometimes eager, yet other times nonchalent. I can only say we are beings with feelings too. We need reactions; we have pride that we would like to preserve. Have you ever considered, that you people sometimes cold-shoulder us too? Sets us confused and bewildered, turning friendship into a higher stake, a potential loss at that. That's why we often stall at crucial moments, not knowing when to move on..

Signal sets, anyone? Make it loud and clear.

As for going for it.. I'll think about it.

~

Today was okay by any class gathering standards. Sentosa's pretty crowded nowadays, yet the crowd is not really that attractive. I almost fell asleep during the girl's chattering.. used to think there was only so much one could talk about work and university admissions, but I guess I was wrong. Dead wrong.

So much for understanding how a girl's mind works. No wonder I was born a guy.

_'Jx]- faded at 10:44 PM