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Friday, July 01, 2005


I've missed the 1-year anniversary of my blog. That's so sad, it makes me want to sulk for 4.56897 seconds and then continue with my life.

Maybe I'm not sure if continuing is such a good option.

Having said the two lines of crap (above), it's nice to know this place still exists. At the rate it's going, I'm not sure if it will last another year; not going to keep my fingers crossed about this, since it seems so trivial now. I'm not saying anything's really of real significance, and I'm even less sure of each individual item's place in life.. And the way I'm going round and round the topic without any purpose nor direction is an absurdity itself. So I'm going to stop.

~

40 SAR is like a second home now. Considering that I spend more time sleeping there than I do at home, it's not really that surprising. Now that my locker's in place, the gym's easily accessible, I'm more used to my bunkmates.. I guess it's working out pretty well. And that's not to spite those army-whiner-hating girls.

There are glitches here and there. Like, even now, I'm not sure of what to expect from my IC. Incidentally, he's no longer 1SG Heng, but rather SSG Heng. The other two SGTs Chee Chein and Ah Heng (no relation) are friendly to the point it's scary. Other that fact that they treat me like a little kid, I guess I will never have more approachable upper-studys. The only bad point is they prefer to teach me slowly, and time is not a luxury I have.

In continuation to the previous paragraph, Tuesday was an interesting day. I was on my way to the workshop for another hard day, when I was whisked away on a tonnel. Somewhat like an intriguing trip on the Magic School bus or something.. I'm wondering if anyone read The Flyaway Cottage or The Wishing Chair. Anyway, I soon found myself looking at the biggest rubbish chute I've ever seen in my life. Cal and I did a calculation, using time (counting "1000, 2000..") and simultaneous equations. It was nearly 45m tall, and we haven't even taken into account the amount of trash inside. It was fun anyway, tossing the pieces of scrap metal and tracks into this huge pit. Tuas just shows how much resources we waste anyway.

Base 1G was the next stop, and it seemed like coming back to some place of the past. And boy did they look slack. The sergeants and men there.. my old section mates looked fat and contented. The major surprise was finding Salas, Gordon and even Gan in the cookhouse. Then I saw SGT Keith and Lim and.. I'm rambling now. But I should have wrote this down a few days ago. Basically I'm just trying to say I saw many old aquaintances there, and to prevent this from becoming the boring entry it already is, I shall cease my comments here.

Blue berets! HA! I'm a BLACK beret.

It's beyond, a trace of reasonable doubt, that unit peeps learn way more than base people.

Chuwei was really tickled by Keith. I guess he didn't realise how much fun his brother had here. Right now, it seems like everything happened so long ago.

And, though is a superhuman effort yet trivial matter, I would like to mention that I cleared my IPPT with an injured right leg. Not trying to boast or emphasize an INJURED RIGHT LEG, but I think any moron can get the picture.

In all, I think it's a welcomed change to say that I don't whine. Sue me.

~

I'm thinking: there are a few thousand guys doing NS. There are hundreds of vocations. It takes a hell lot of coincidence to put a driver and a specialist together. Why the fark did I get this guy. Why of all the pre-arranged events in the future pull our fates together; I don't know. In the same company. I remember we were sitting on the couch, where all the big shots were settling important stuff with us, and they actually let us choose the company we wanted to be in. I was saying "I'll be C, Calvin be A.. wait, I want A." And I'm now an A technician. Chuwei could have been my driver, but by some freak chance he ended up in support for accidentally fixing a component. So it's me and Joseph, working closely together for the remainder of our service.

I'm not blaming anything. It's just destiny. Calculate the probability and I think there will be alot of blown calculators.

But if I didn't meet him, I wouldn't have got the final piece of the jigsaw. He holds the key; now he's unlocked the door. I'm bemused. Joseph isn't involved personally. He's just the centre stage linking everyone together. And repeat: There's no other person who could have done that. He's just the only one.

Now I know the reason for everything. And there's only one way which I can go.

I feel so useless. Like some fool who prances about but doesn't even get the basic applause which is laughter.. I should have known when my friend gave me her number and urged me to get close to her. If I had been a little more tactful, more caring, I would have known immediately what to do. Perhaps I can blame my friend for not telling me everything, but probably he thought I would find out myself. I guess I failed as a friend; I wasn't there when she needed me the most, and I can't escape out of the shadow. She's been hurt, by a mountain I can't surpass. Regardless of whether it's hollow inside, the task remains daunting. It's been a couple of days, 34 hours.. yet "stupid" rings still in my head.

Nightmares periodically following after each dies down; I wonder if the blackbird has sang her last song.


I often think about what I write. It's interesting, for once, to analyse the entry like I don't know who the writer is. Just commenting on what his views are and stuff. For the writing above, I see no point in dwelling. As a neutral party I find this plot amusing; it seems directly taken from some movie. See the usual trends: average guy, pretty girl, handsome/rich ex, events building up slowly, friendship vs relationship, taking steps etc. I would even say it's an exaggeration. I mean, how can real-life situations be so dramatic. It's unreal; it's a story made out of loose pieces of imagination. Assuming it's true, what is that guy waiting for. If it's inferiority complex, account for his loss himself.

I pity him though.


43 cranes and counting..

_'Jx]- faded at 8:16 PM