Saturday, December 17, 2005
I seem to be dragging myself through the weeks. It really shouldn't be the attitude I have towards life, be it just 10 mths or 10 days. Just a manifestation of discontent and self-pity, threatening to run out of hand. The phrase "I'll have to survive this week" keeps popping out of nowhere; I'm not even sure if it possesses half the remainder of it's original value. It's just a continuous battle of sorts, where there is no fightback, no desperate struggle. Just a fight where one person lands all the blows.Anyway..I'm going for her dance concert later. If I can remember correctly, she has this blog-finder webbie, hence the possibility that she has found this place, if she bothers at all, is rather high. Should I mince my words? I guess so.. it's been some time anyway. Anyhow, I kind of thought I'll regret it if I didn't go, and strangely I don't. I'll just let it go, and pretend no one knows I blog at all. Let's just say I'm doing it for old times sake.This thing about love and relationships and stuff.. I've forgotten about how I longed to see her in the past. How I let myself be bewitched by little actions.. the way I used to do things for her without any desire of reciprocation. Even the heart-thumping encounters seem to fade away in the light of reality. It's like how we used to add KI to any agent, whether oxidising or reducing I've forgotten. The mixture is clear. Upon dousing the test tube with KI, it being clear too, a dark colour appears, slowly enveloping the concoction inside. The spread of this dark mixture, is called disappointment.And in science labs, even in the most desperate circumstances.. we don't usually try and save the resulting waste.It's FTX tomorrow. FTX as in Full Troop eXercise. Everyone's on the move, and I'm pleased to blog down that Ah Heng and Tony are coming with Archer. If it was Weixin and Anson I'll probably be too sian and dulan to write anything down now. One major headache is, should I bring the portable TV? Or my radio? I'll fight hard for a place in the BV.Small little issues here and there, just to keep the mind occupied. Since I can't get over the fact that I'm going India during Chinese New Year and V Day.. and I have duty on Christmas day itself.I'm quite proud of the things I managed to write down today. Especially since parts of it are less true than I give it credit for.
_'Jx]- faded at 3:40 PM