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Saturday, April 15, 2006


There's got to be a point where one realises that without effort, it's difficult to achieve anything substantial. I think it's truly amazing how a lack of effort shows, how the results deviate drastically from one possibility to another, why sometimes accidents which were not meant to be actually do happen, or even worse still, form an irreversible chain of events.

Or maybe, simply, you just piss the people around you off, 'cos you can't be bothered. And the feeling really stinks; everyone's trying the best they can, and you just can't try harder.

Hey, but what if I retort and say, "I don't really know how to give my best." And what would you say to that? Call me a fool, label me a liar, give me up for a stinker, but I stick to what I say.

If being truly sorry means writing I'm sorry a hundred thousand times on paper, or repeating the darn word a million times, I'm sure I can do that. Like a immense black wall, I can scale it. At least break it down into standards, something I understand, tell me what I should do. I know I'm not chasing after the darn ball because I feel it's a lost cause, but that's to me. Maybe there's another approach, maybe I could have salvaged the situation somehow.

I'm selfish in a sense, maybe.


Silver for IPPT, and I didn't even pant. The senior specs were rather annoyed though. I kinda stopped at 7 pull-ups and requested to jump down, then did 9 and did let go this time. They were pushing for 10-12, but I didn't want to do that! It would have meant potential gold, and I would have to run the 2.4 of my life. SGT Desmond just shook his head; Staff Cheong didn't even comment.

So much for giving my best for everything I do.

_'Jx]- faded at 4:38 PM