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Sunday, July 23, 2006


What do we want in life? the perennial question which there is a multitude of answers, but none of them really a right fit.

Alt-tabbing here and there. Trying desperately to get a dota game going, to no avail. Urging myself to detach from unpleasant thoughts which serve no purpose.

I sat in the BV06 last week, and despite yearning for the priviledge since the year before, found myself squirming uncomfortably in different awkward positions. Trying to catch some sleep before putting on my helmet again. Helmets weren't ever the issue in the recovery; no one could see anyway. Nor was sleep ever a problem, unless oversleeping was a sin. So ends the outfield which I did nothing yet inexplicably exhausted myself for the first time. One down, one more to go.

Do some things really matter? What really does, and what doesn't.. who has the authority to judge, to set the standard, to define and ridge the borders. Who wants the responsibilty?

Suppose.. the key is actually letting go. To clear all doubts, dispel any traces of unnecessary despair. To actually accept that some things cannot be reversed, and cannot be changed even if we turn back time.

Peeved.. that my dear BTT forgot about me. Refused my no. 7, deprived me my 11. Not. It really doesn't matter. It isn't a team I want to join. But I felt anger, momentarily. Red hot, burning fire.. then suddenly calm. Distorted by ripples of annoyance at idiocity. I've got Zp, Leo and Bob in my team. All of them easily outstrip anyone in NIE Legends save Alaric. If Tay comes on board.. it's a complete team.

Pointless? Some things just are.

_'Jx]- faded at 4:25 PM