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Sunday, November 05, 2006


I have a million things to say to Staff Heng. I had the chance to do just that, on friday. It wasn't as if there wasn't an opportunity, not as though something was holding me back. It just didn't come out.

I needed that piece of closure, the conversation which never materialised. To move on from this phase of life to the other, beckoning on the other side.

Let's face it; Staff was never an easy person to work with. He was, and probably still will remain, a snide, caustic individual, vulgar and crude. Until the later stages of our working relationship, I could never approach him with anything less than high tensioned trepidation. Mood swings were always a regular affair; he could be joking one moment, then the face would turn all black and the swear words would start pouring out. And everyone, especially the Archer people, would just find some corner to tide the storm over.

The way he brought down the self-esteem of anyone, the way he destroyed any credibility. He made you begin to suspect yourself, that you were really that screwed-up a worker. That no matter how hard you tried, you weren't going to amount to anything. No matter how hard you worked, the countless hours of overtime, he just made you feel you were a lousy, LOUSY piece of human waste. One chance, one opportunity, no road for return.

Maybe I gave him trouble. Maybe he was under immense pressure. But the way Staff Heng treated us should never be justified. It wasn't our fault, wasn't my fault, that he didn't have a regular 2IC to pile his shit on. Scream at us as if we were morons, imbeciles dragging him down. As if we would.

To actually shape one's perspective of life, such a terrible power, if you will, and he had it. Right now, a demon gently knocks on the door. I'm not opening it.

_'Jx]- faded at 12:37 AM