it's another one hour to the new year, but it's never too early to start blogging in my opinion. so here i am.

the new tagboard is not for new year. it just happens i feel this page is incomplete without one.

have been financially in the red since 2005. fortune should change this year, rather must change this year. it should. i realise i have not mentioned my fortunes at my workplace; it's at wincor nixdorf, some german company which has a huge reputation not based in singapore. the staff are okay, i guess, at least the ones i don't work under. but it's understood, there is friction when two surfaces come in contact often, hence it's not really a statement aimed at anyone, rather a general one which is non-offensive.

one of two hiccups recently. two of my friends have lost one parent each, which at that point of time was a rather big shock. makes one think he appreciates life more. coincidentally it spells the probable end of my dota team, which isn't such a bad thing. the soccer mates are gelling, so i've got other stuff to work out.

ang baos could decide the fate of the next few months. praying for some generous people this year *prays hard*.

the year of the pig. i've always loved pork.

i'm running out of excuses, or reasons. in a debate which i cannot fully substantiate my case, i still refuse to yield.

remotely would be more apt than fully. yet i say fully because i feel that my argument is based on something that cannot be defined; unlike most motions put forward, i do not value it as highly, as one would expect of an opening argument.

i reluctantly concede that common points are essential. i sadly admit that ours are far and few between. there are moments which i feel we are on different planes, dancing in our own world, speaking in languages, communicating but not comprehending. you like apples, i like oranges. you will never, ever like oranges, this i know.

the question about character. it's always about character, isn't it? strong characters, weak characters. up to one to define, subjected to approval from others, yet ultimately winds down to a personal decision. what kind of character do you want? one that gives in all the time, or a strong figure that controls. don't tell me balance, because balance is subjected, and almost, never balanced.

tell me why then. why can't i eat apples like you. why can't i fly to the same place where you are. or is it because you've decided. that it didn't matter if i didn't give you flowers on valentine's day; it mattered more if everyone else did.

does it help that my brain's full of everything, nothing resembling sense, not even the gibberish i'm writing now 'cos i can't sleep.

pass over quickly.

if i had started on this two hours earlier, i would surely have written a whole load of stuff. angry tirades and frustration laced with callousness that merit no regret, only restraint by the compassion of friendhip, or what's left of it.

such selfishness i will hope to ignore in future, if not more to prevent the encounter itself.

as for the other matter, wistful thinking on my part. but it was worth a try.


valentine's day. i wish i could say i'll love the same person every day, and not only this wednesday. alas, i'm not the master of my own destiny. much less of anyone's.

i'm sorry girl. perhaps i was interested in you for a second. just taken in by the flowing locks, the large doe eyes. maybe that toothy smile that shone of innocence.

i did walk up to you, created a conversation that shouldn't have been, too obviously dug out some info you wouldn't have given. gave the impression that i was trying to make one, got the smile and giggle everyone thought i wanted.

but it was stupid really. i knew what i was doing. what i was trying to do rather, the physical aspect instead of thought, when thinking was what i had entrenched myself in all along.

sensed it, breathed it in... and then slowly let it out.

it was foolish of me, to think that i could substitute you for someone else, when she was the one i wanted all along. forget everyone; among all the expanse of grass there is only one flower. i'm sorry.