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Saturday, March 10, 2007


finally the end of a long week. it had to end, after my immediate superior came up to me this morning with a very smooth speech on my manager's satisfaction with my mediocre performance. its nearly a dozen hours since then, but i'm still quite unable to dispel that uncomfortable feeling of being hoodwinked.

regardless of the complements deemed to be showered on me, whether they are false or true to an extent, is quite meaningless to me actually. it's not going to prolong my stay. after march it will be four months since i started work, which leaves two months to the end of my contract. renewal seems likely, but it doesn't matter if nothing happens. in fact, i won't mind a backpacking trip.

i would miss the people at wincor. really i would. especially those from archive and shipping. even production. nice, helpful chaps which have helped me through my first job.

life goes on though. it's better not to be bogged down with hi-bye friends, lest they take up space in the memory bank. which yields no dividends, at least not viable ones.


sometimes its better not to get something started. even more so if it has the potential to become something so wonderous and surreal, you are still left dancing on stage in the dark, even when the audience has gone, the backstage crew has left, and you're still blinded by the bright lights dimmed hours ago.

if you're going to enjoy the dancing tongues of flame, that lick the wood and shoot up high into the night sky, then burn with it. reduce to charred remains, to save the trouble of wishing the exact same thing when logic takes leave of it's master.


I spent the last three weeks beating down this touch of hope which won't stay down. and now apparently when it has the result i want, i can't deal with it. having not imagined and planned the path ahead, it's a lonely journey that awaits me. a terrifying one at that.

but no, don't take it away from me.

_'Jx]- faded at 12:07 AM