satisfactory gpa of 4.0. passed the damn genes r us. and of course got the damn license. suddenly everything has cleared up, and i'm gearing up for next sem. i think a smiley is due, and here it is =) not a big grin like =D, but no one's perfect.

went to catch Breath last night, and it should have soured the mood a lil'. but i'm still smiling. was a semi-jerk last night, but now it's okay. have more faith? yea, maybe i should.

i can DRIVE now.

officially.

wicked sick.

my eldest cousin ah boy got married on christmas day. after knowing him for the past two decades, it feels weird that he'll no longer belong to us anymore. not saying that we're not happy for him or anything, just another balloon flown up to the sky. tried unsuccessfully to help out as a bartender, and ended up incurring the wrath of a certain uncle philip. learning the art of pouring wine was an interesting event though, and getting caught on broadcast was an even sweeter deal. channelnewsasia's latest wine dude.

officially confirmed a few hours ago that i've lost my place in the circle of my uncles, while regaining that with my cousins. national treasure 2 followed shortly by i am legend, a drink at the balconey, then cab fare home; i'm broke. but cousins are great. it has been all these years, and it seems like we were young. just yesterday.

gathering with the shivas people on monday was rather anti-climatic. everyone should be involved in games or events, and i mean everyone. seems like the purpose was just to eat cake and share present money, sitting around the rest of the way. who is to complain anyway. who cares anyway. some people had so much fun, some people just watched them have so much fun. just a wrong place for the wrong people. lucky there was some fantastic oreo cheesecake and sihui's birthday to talk about, and as we concluded, there's still no 03s13 gathering in sight. bah. glaring lack of effort, even on my part, so that bah is directed to everyone including myself.

right now it's a sad couple of days. driving test on thursday, results on friday. i've been a good boy this year, so santa should be kind. he must be. i need the damn car. i need a good first sem.

burst my nike shoe. need new shirts. and a new budget for the new year.

i must consistently remind myself that not everyone values things with equality, that priority is an important factor in which all must adhere to according to their own whims and fancies.

it is too much unnecessary grief, to get upset over things like this. worth it? maybe if i'm not the only one having this change in emotions. but as things stand, that's how it looks so far.

constantly having to tell myself, repetitively, that love is unconditional. love is beautiful. love demands nothing. but as each day passes, i feel more vulnerable. i might actually be human. i'm not a fire that burns strongly by itself forever, and though it will not go out, there's this continual stench of fear.

wonder, what's the incentive for being nice.

21st december. just mentioning how the holiday has not been one, and it's been all so tight. everything's so congested and on top of each other.

recent updates, for myself if a distant future beckons:

1) screw hall 5 soccer for the violent seniors and serious lack of talent.

2) driving test coming up on 27th and it sucks. i'm dead worried.

3) confusion about where faith lies.

4) gatherings, gatherings and more gatherings (6A, 03s13, 40 SAR, misc.)

5) i still have a reputation for weiqi. and talent.

6) ?...


HSS people aren't half bad. had some fun with them this week while watching netball matches.

i really, really miss. i don't know why.

~ coldplay

when you try your best, and don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse?

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
and you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let go
but if you never try you'll never know
just what you're worth

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

tears stream down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
tears stream down your face
and i

tears stream down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
tears stream down your face
and i

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

watched her walked in,
slow steps, measured.
no hesitation,
none at all.
she turns around,
a small smile,
wave of the hand.

never felt so lost,
so helpless and cold.
the night air,
sounds of a crowded street,
and the words hanging in the air.

a lump in the throat,
and i force myself to turn away.

love is supposed to be wondrous, full of bright colours; loud sounds, happy sounds. it's supposed to be uncompromised.

it is.

taken for granted
just taken for granted
i can don't take your bags,
you say
and i can just be.

no i say,
this i cannot bear to do
so take it you reply
and be gone

i must always remember, always remember
that sometimes
there is no two way traffic
and to expect is to invite
disappointment

disappointment.