but i feel different. really, i do. it's not just the way i perceive, or the way things present themselves to me. i feel mildly at peace, something which i haven't been since i was really young, like six or seven, and the confusion has dissipated somewhat. maybe it has gone on holiday, and will be back soon, i don't know. but it has been alright so far.

mainly, i think dealing with people has been easier. the key is expectations - i have learnt not to expect anything from the guys and girls around me. it doesn't really pay off, most individuals don't deserve anything more than a second chance, and the third/fourth opportunity only forces some unwanted issues.

what about angie? she's really sweet, yet not in the conventional way. she doesn't flirt, doesn't try to be pretty (she just is), and is strangely conversational. it's not about thinking too much, and as i have maintained for some time now, there's no such thing as thinking so much unless you're regressing, which i am not now. granted, it may be sympathy. it may be a need to help somebody, drawn by a form of distress only human loss can bring. attraction it may be, it doesn't mean anything. one thing i've realized, is that it doesn't take much to feel attracted to someone, anyone. there was ce, zt, ss, ct and now angie, who comes somewhere between ss and ct. unlike my dear neighbour, i have no intention of trying out anything.

and the words of others. encouragements they may be, but truth? that's a different matter, isn't it? everyone enjoys a good flirt. not everyone hangs around.